Robert Blair once said “How blunt are all the arrows of thy quiver in comparison with those of guilt” and I haven’t found a quote that cuts right to the heart of this topic like this one does.
The word itself is used often so let’s be clear on what it actually is. Guilt, quite simply, is unresolved anger that we have turned inward against ourselves. It is usually related to something that we have or haven’t done. Guilt can also feel like shame and denial and leaves us restricted mentally, emotionally and often physically.
Guilt can also lead us to bury our fears and secret beliefs about our actions deeper inside for fear of being found out. Ultimately, when left to fester, guilt progresses to shame and eventually results in feelings of unworthiness.
Guilt is healthy to a certain degree. Genuine guilt is an emotional response from our conscience that enables us to stay true to our values or return to behaving in a manner consistent with our beliefs and principles. There is clearly a place in our lives for guilt in terms of keeping us on track. The problems arise when we cannot forgive ourselves and let go.
The difference between guilt and other emotions is that guilt is not usually transitory. While anger and sadness come and go as we recall the events that caused them, guilt is with us constantly. Over time guilt becomes less noticeable – even though it is gradually eating at us. Feeling guilty is not bad, but prolonged, unresolved guilt becomes harmful to our healing. The only way to address guilt is to first acknowledge that it is there. This can be a challenge because it doesn’t show itself as obviously as the others types of anger.
Once we explore the event that resulted in guilt and confirm that there was no action we could have taken to change the outcome with the information that we had at that time, we can express the underlying anger that perpetuates it and only then will it gradually dissipate.
For further information on dealing with guilt I recommend you read ‘Keys to Emotional Mastery’ by Nicholas De Castella www.eq.net.au
Talk to you soon
Helen.
