HRH Prince William quoted his Grandmother when he said “Grief is the price we pay for love” during his recent visit to New Zealand and Australia to visit earthquake and flood affected regions, and at a time in our lives where the entire world seems to be confronted with challenge after immeasurable challenge it is natural that we may be experiencing grief on both a global and individual level.
Grief is the Price we Pay for Love
The Oxford English Dictionary defines grief as “deep or violent sorrow, keen regret”. However, in our lives strict definitions rarely apply and grief can take on many forms and is unpredictable in how it presents itself in our lives.
The loss of someone we love always triggers a grief process. Our reactions to grief are influenced by many factors, including the experience itself, our background, our personality, the importance of the loss to us and the support we receive from family and friends. That said, the deeper the connection to the person or thing that is lost, the greater the grief that may be felt.
The initial period of sadness and sense of loss may be intense and overwhelming and over time it gradually becomes less so. The immediate stages of grief can take from six weeks to three months, and although some people complete their grieving process in one or two years, many are still grieving acutely several years later.
One aspect of grief that is often missed is that it doesn’t only present itself as a result of a death because it isn’t only death we need to grieve – it is also loss of hopes and dreams and any change that we are reluctant to embrace or struggling to understand. In this time of global challenge, grief may occur on many different levels for each of us based on the simple fact that the world as we have known it is forever changed.
Grief is a complicated and misunderstood state, yet it is something that we must all experience at some point. The underlying basic emotions for grief are anger and sadness. However, unlike the normal transitory emotions, grief can be more like a mood that remains for a period of time. More than any other emotion, the combined feelings that make up grief are capable of clutching at us and holding on for quite some time.
The first step in our healing process, whether global or individual, is to acknowledge that we are grieving and to permit ourselves to do so. In doing this, we can be more open to acknowledging the emotions that may arise for us during this time and be in a better position to express them rather than disregard or repress them.
Washington Irving said “There is sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness but of power. They are messengers of overwhelming grief and of unspeakable love.” Tears symbolise our sadness, our pain and often our compassion for a given situation and are an important way to release some of the emotion we feel.
Grief can be felt on a physical, mental, emotional and spiritual level. The grief process generally follows a series of stages through which we move in a varied way. The ultimate goal is the acceptance of the loss.
The perspective we bring to our grieving process can also significantly affect what we learn from it. We can see it as a ‘price’ as is stated in the quote or we can see it as an opportunity. Grief is an experience born from love and it is from that loving experience that we come forth.
When you are sorrowful
Look again in your heart and you shall see
that in truth you are weeping for that
Which has been your delight
Kahlil Gibran
The universe is here to expand and we can choose to see grief as an opportunity to expand on a personal level or an opportunity to contract and become small. If we make the choice to see grief as an opportunity to expand and grow we will surely learn something that we would not have otherwise.
Which choice do you make – to contract or to grow?
Take care and talk soon
Helen Abbott
xo.
